By Allison Graham
I don’t have a story.
This was something I was faced with several times when writing this. It’s pretty ironic, because I’m actually a published journalist. And I’m a social media manager. And I’m a personal trainer. I wear a lot of hats. And yet, I don’t have a story to tell.
Since the peak of the pandemic, I’ve faced my fair share of mental health challenges. From being suicidal to climbing out of the depths of depression, getting better, and eventually tumbling back down a bit, I’ve made it to now. Over that period of time, I started working out from home, posting to feel some sort of connection in a quarantined world, and morphed into someone that aims to inspire and inform - at least, I sure as hell hope I am.
At this point in my life, I’m in my early 20s. I don’t drink much, I rarely go out, and I’m career-oriented. Apparently, there are a select few people my age that are heading up the same path at the same pace as me. To be quite frank, it’s pretty unsettling and discouraging.
Some days, I wonder if what I’m doing is worth it. Am I even making a difference? Should I go out and socialize? Is there something I’m doing wrong? Does anyone even like me? Why am I like this? Why can’t I just talk without getting anxious? Why do I worry about every single little thing?
Why am I spiraling?
Quiet. Breathe. Peace.
Bringing it back in, I remind myself of this: I am able to write my own reality in whatever way I please.
Some days, I don’t have much of a rose-colored lens perspective, and that’s okay. What I look for, I’ll always find.
So for now, I’ll continue to write my story. For all the good and the bad, the tough and the laughs, I’ll write my story.
My story isn’t over until it’s over, and we’ve got quite a ways to go.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month. If you or someone you love is struggling, you’re not alone. Please reach out and get help by texting or calling 988, or find more resources on https://988lifeline.org/.